Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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