i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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