I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
