It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
