mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
