Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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