i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
