We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
