If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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