wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
