we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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