Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
