I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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