The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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