I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
