I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
