does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
