i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He shit in the fireplace
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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