look no pants
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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