Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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