Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
