Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
