he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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