i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
