just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
