I accidentally burped into my bong.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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