I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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