I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
