So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
