Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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