I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I color on your dick again?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
