So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
