everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
