ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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