I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
