The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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