who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
