Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
