I can tuck mytits in my pants
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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