I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
