It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
