Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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