That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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