Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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