it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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