I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
