He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
