i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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