like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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