pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
