no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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