these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
