Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
