apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
