Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
