he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize