Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We are all done wearing pants today
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
