He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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