I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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