So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
