So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
