for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
