he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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