Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
