Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
