Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Vodka?
Forever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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