you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
