Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
