I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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