i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
