Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize