if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
