we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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