I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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