wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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