My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
