so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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